Roy Clancy Hates Me

By Alan Clark

    Roy Clancy of the Calgary Sun hates me. Having never met me, I can only surmise that he's upset that there are some of us who want to live our own lives, free from his influence. Roy has been called upon by his eastern betters to be this week's "whip". To once again remind Albertans that their future security lies in remaining subservient, like him, to our central Canadian masters.

    Roy's column in this week's Calgary Sun bristles with disgust that after 40 years of non-stop propaganda, a recent poll suggests that 20 percent of us would still rather separate from Canada. Roy says "Just as the rabid bunch of seditionists in Quebec prepare to throw in the towel, a similarly naive and counterproductive political movement has slithered to life here in Alberta." Roy never does identify this "political movement" that he spends a quarter page of perfectly good fish wrapper to rail against, which leads to my conclusion that he was most likely just told to "write something bad about those nasty people who won't capitulate".

    Roy goes on and on in the typical Marxist tone about the evils of separatism. "Montreal, once the largest and most vibrant city in Canada, has been reduced to a shadow of its former glory. A multitude of companies and hundreds of thousands of Quebecers have fled to more stable environs." Canada good - Separatists baaaad! Roy continues - "Instead of noisy carping that will win only animosity and resentment from fellow citizens in other provinces, we should adopt the words Klein uttered when informed of the results of the Sun poll: "I believe in Canada and I believe that as Canadians, we can arrive at Canadian solutions to Canadian problems."

    Roy believes "This province has already had an influence on Canadian politics disproportionately greater than its size." Sadly, he's right. This province has exerted all the influence that can possibly be mustered and one has to ask - "so how's that been going then Roy?" As Roy say's "Some able Albertans have fought for our cause..." and then he drops the names of some of our greatest failures including Ralph Klein, Joe Clark, Preston Manning, Stephen Harper and Peter Lougheed.

    In spite of the fact that Alberta has sent, what Roy believes are our "heaviest hitters" to Ottawa, they have returned time and again, empty handed. Our farmers were sent to prison today for the crime of disobeying Roy's Marxist comrades. Our political aspirations have been ignored for a hundred years. Our culture is belittled and denigrated. Our values and principles are completely foreign to those who rule over us.

    It's Roy's greatest hope that Albertans will one day come to appreciate what he and his Marxist comrades are doing for us and our children. Making all of our decisions. Protecting us from ourselves. In honour of Roy's effort, I suggest everyone stand, click their heels together and raise their right hand high, palm out in front of you. Now repeat after me - "Heil Hitler". There Roy. You've done your duty. Now you can go back to writing thoughtful articles about how photo-radar is actually saving lives.